Four Color Comics

As a fellow who reads Spiderman comics whenever he can get them for free, I’ve been a little nauseated by recent developments in Peter Parker’s life. While Spidey’s move to the mainstream in joining the New Avengers made me a little nervous (as his character has always thrived outside of the mainstream of the Marvel Universe, his signing on to the most established and conventional supergroup outside of the Fantastic Four seems like, I dunno, Sting having a tour sponsored by Lexus), and the development of his unsettlingly servile relationship with Tony Stark left me with a coolly moist upper lip (but don’t worry, that’ll surely end badly), the unveiling of his new costume had me, and the fetid legions of fanboys behind me, struck in horrified amazement.

On the one hand, it is clearly the kind of thing Tony Stark would make for his young ward- eye-catching and flamboyant, yet utterly buffoonish. On the other hand, it really gives me disco fever. Joe Quesada, Spiderman’s editor, has hastened to assure us that the costume is temporary (it’ll probably last only as long as Peter Parker continues to cheerfully chirrup “Hi Boss!” whenever Mr. Stark wiggles his moustache at him), so that’s a relief. But while it lasts, there’s yet another feature about it that nettles me. In Amazing Spiderman #530, we learn more about the costume’s abilities. The icing on the cake are the three “waldo” arms that spring forth on mental command:

Suddenly it all comes into focus. The new costume is a vengeance rip-off of Doug TenNapel’s excellent design from Creature Tech.

Yes, you heard it here first (as far as I can tell from a quick Google search). When I first read Creature Tech I thought, “Good comic. Too bad the alien symbiote concept is so reminiscent of Spiderman.” And now we’ve come full circle, with spidey’s new suit sporting a Solid Gold Dancer-esque version of TenNapel’s spare black and white art.

Vengeance is sweet, my friends, but it’s best when served cold. And with red and gold spangles.